Loneliness Is Bad for your Health
We’re living in the age of connection; WhatsApp group chats, YouTube channels, Zoom calls, Instagram reels, TikTok videos. And yet, so many people are lonelier than ever. In fact, loneliness has become such a common and serious problem that in 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared it a public health epidemic. Yes, epidemic. Right up there with obesity and smoking.
The Surprising Health Risks of Loneliness
Loneliness isn’t just about feeling sad or bored when your Saturday night plans fall through. Chronic loneliness can wreak havoc on your physical and emotional health. Here are a few stats that might surprise you:
Loneliness is associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).
People who report high levels of loneliness are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline.
Loneliness can increase the risk of premature death by up to 60%, the equivalent risk of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
In other words, loneliness is far more than just undesirable or unpleasant, it’s downright dangerous. And yet, many people don't talk about it, either because they think it’s shameful or because they’re so used to emotional disconnection that they don’t even realize they’re lonely.
What Loneliness Really Looks Like
Loneliness doesn’t always look like social isolation. It can show up in a crowded house, a long-term relationship, or a group chat that no longer feels supportive. What we’re really talking about here is emotional disconnection. Feeling unseen or misunderstood. Feeling like nobody really wants to know what goes on inside your head.
That kind of disconnection doesn’t just make life feel harder; it is harder. Emotionally disconnected people are less resilient to stress, more prone to illness, and more likely to struggle in their relationships.
Humans are Wired for Connection
All of us are biologically wired for connection, whether we recognize it or not. Our brains light up when we feel seen, emotionally safe, and understood. When that connection is missing, our nervous systems get stuck in patterns of hypervigilance or shutdown, and we may start to believe that there is something unlovable about ourselves. This creates insecure attachment styles and further difficulty forming bonds with others.
How EFT Can Help
As an Emotionally Focused Therapist, I help individuals and couples understand the cycle of emotional disconnection that keeps them stuck. EFT isn’t about teaching you communication hacks or how to "fix" yourself. It’s about identifying the deeper emotional needs, also known as attachment needs, that drive your reactions. With Emotionally Focused Therapy you can learn how to get beneath the surface reaction and access the unmet needs and unacknowledged emotions underneath. EFT gives you a roadmap for how to get those needs met, and how to meet those needs for the people you care about.
Why do I do this work? Because I am also a human in the world, wired for connection just like you are. I know what it’s like to feel alone in a room full of people. And I also know how healing it is to feel truly connected to myself and to someone else.
You don’t have to stay stuck in loneliness. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. And you definitely don’t have to fix this by yourself. If you are looking for more warmth, more attunement, and a deeper connection to yourself and others, therapy with an EFT therapist can be a wonderful place to start.
