How to Choose a Therapist That’s Right for You
Therapists are as varied as the general population. When you're starting the process, it can be hard to know how to choose a therapist, especially if you're new to therapy or recovering from a not-so-great experience. The most important thing to remember is this: the right therapist for you may not be the right therapist for someone else. And sometimes, it takes a few sessions to know if it’s a good fit.
It Might Feel Off at First, Even if It’s Right
Starting therapy can stir up a lot of anxiety and discomfort, especially if it’s your first time. That initial unease can cloud your sense of whether the therapist is actually a good match. Unless there’s a clear red flag from the beginning, it’s usually a good idea to give it two or three sessions before deciding. Sometimes it takes a little time to settle into the process and build a sense of trust.
The Right Therapist Knows Their Scope
Many therapists pursue additional training to work with specific issues or populations. The right therapist will reflect honestly on whether they have the skills and experience to help you reach your therapy goals. If they’re not the right person for your needs, they’ll refer you to someone who is. That’s a sign of ethical, client-centered care.
The Focus Should Be on You
Most therapists occasionally share something personal, but those moments should be intentional and in service of your growth, not a running theme. If you know all about your therapist’s life by the third session, and they don’t know much about yours, that’s a strong sign they’re not the right fit. You should never leave sessions wondering whose therapy it really is.
The Right Therapist Doesn’t Just Tell You What You Want to Hear
Therapists are supposed to help you reach your therapy goals, not be your friend. If your therapist nods along and appears to be in agreement with everything you say without offering gentle pushback or alternative perspectives, that may be a sign they’re not engaging at the depth you need. The right therapist will gently challenge you when needed, not to be confrontational, but to help you grow.
You Should Feel Heard
All therapists have to interrupt you at times - that's just a part of the job. This can be for many reasons, such as time constraints, pausing to process something important or shifting the focus away from excessive story-telling. However, if it feels like you can never get a complete sentence out, or your therapist consistently misunderstands or misses key parts of your experience, it’s worth paying attention to that. Knowing that your voice matters is an important part of feeling emotionally safe in therapy.
If you're looking for a therapist who shows up with presence, clarity, and compassion, I’d be honored to connect. Schedule a free consultation.
Boundaries Matter
A therapist with healthy boundaries will respect your time, show up for sessions punctually, and stay fully present. They won’t take calls, eat lunch, or text during your session. They also won’t contact you at odd hours without cause. In turn, they’ll expect the same respect from you. Therapy works best when there’s mutual trust and consistency, and that starts with boundaries.
The Right Therapist Can Regulate Their Own Emotions
Therapy can be emotionally intense at times, but it’s not your job to manage your therapist’s emotional responses. A good therapist is able to feel with you without making it about them. If your therapist occasionally tears up alongside you, that’s a natural human reaction. But if you ever feel like you’re having to take care of them emotionally, it’s a signal that something is off.
The Right Therapist Welcomes Feedback
Not every concern is a dealbreaker. Sometimes, naming a pattern or sharing feedback can shift the dynamic for the better. A good therapist will receive your feedback without defensiveness and respond in a way that validates your experience, repairs any ruptures to your rapport with them, and provides reassurance. If they shut you down or dismiss your concerns, it may be time to consider working with someone else.
What to Look For When Choosing a Therapist
Here’s a checklist of what to look for in a therapist to support your decision-making. You are probably working with the right therapist if:
You feel emotionally safe, even when the work is hard
They listen well and stay present
The focus of the session stays on you
They gently challenge you when needed
They handle your feedback with openness
They show up on time and maintain clear boundaries
They can align with your emotions, but you never feel like you’re managing theirs
Final Thoughts on How to Choose a Therapist
Learning how to pick the right therapist is often a process of tuning into yourself; your instincts, your comfort, and your sense of whether you're being seen and supported. You don’t need to settle for a therapist who feels like the wrong fit, and you don’t need to wait until things get unbearable to make a change.
You deserve therapy that feels grounding, collaborative, and real. If you’re still figuring out how to find the right fit therapist for you in California, Delaware, Florida, or Vermont, I’d be honored to support you. I work with adults who are ready to understand themselves more deeply, heal old patterns, and create relationships that feel safer and more connected.
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